I AM Sorry.

I am truly. I mean I know that we all have weaknesses. We all have our vices, our needs, our dependencies, our fixes, etc., etc,! I have known what mine is for some time now, decades. Well I have been doing it for decades, I probably only recognized the addiction to it for just over ten years. The time it has cost me is unfathomable really. To some extent I have used it as a coping mechanism. Helping me from getting in worse trouble or causing greater pain or destruction to my life, and the lives of those around me.

Still I wish I understood it a bit more, I wish I knew how to unleash the joy and ecstasy that typically results. Interestingly I have maintained the habit for a very long time with little financial investment. That is not to say that a resulting financial loss or impact has not taken place, it certainly has; the extent of which I may not be aware of. When it becomes apparent such an impact is being incurred the personal impact is already spreading without your knowledge! Reputations develop, trusts dissolve, doors (figurative and literal) close before you even arrive.

It stems from one of my greatest appreciations and infatuations. The hunger, desire, and obsession it can illicit is as much a compliment or flattery, a validation of its wonder yet it is also in many ways a violation! A violation against the object and too others to whom I have committed a love to, sworn a dedication to. A violation to which I am it's slave, happily in awe of how all its similarities are revealed in completely unique ways.

I am sorry for my weakness. I am sorry for feeding an industry and an animal that eats at the privacy and chastity of individuals. A commerce fueled by the rage of an entire faction of society that can't contain itself. Now don't get me wrong around this faction is an entire assembly that while stereo-typed with this more deplorable unit, they do manage to make use of other more, hmmm, how do I say... willing exhibitors. There exists many avenues and fabricators selling the wears that these people crave. It leaves no reason to tear apart the lives and securities of those who don't wish that type or extent of exposure.

To be true, that does not really speak to the addiction itself cause in time, as with say narcotics, a more readily available or enticing remedy is before you. Its existence deceivingly unconstrained - but its affects more powerful, as is it's grip.