Time Is On Our Side

You know...I have spent much thought and reflection about myself over the years; 20 years have passed since the day I could hide under the ambivalence of being a teenager. All twenty addicted to the beauty of women, wanting to be with many where I couldn't bring myself to risk to do that, admiring, longing, lusting from afar. Fifteen of those have been spent in marriage (18 in that same relationship) with the women of my dreams, one that is strong and pretty and actually wanted me and has always helped me through my infancy type emotions. Eleven and a half as a father or guardian, a role that I am trying to own rather than claim. Ten of them in what I think is a career I enjoy and am working to become more invested in everyday.

Those are the more considerable buckets I have filled with my time; what falls in there is sporadic exhibitions of a servant and a liar, a lover and a cheater, a poet, confidence and insecurity, stupidity and intelligence, well spoken moments and verbal diarrhea, solid role model, porn addict, self-loathing, God fearing and godless, aimlessness and dogged determination.

All that and much more remembered and forgotten. I have had great blessing and squandered some riches. Made good friends and spoiled good friendships, all because I was too busy worrying about me, me, me. Lots of time remains for me to take all the misery and ensure it is not repeated, rather replaced with joy, spontaneity and fantastic companionship, cause that matter to me (its just in me).