Ramblings

What do you do when you figure out that what you would like to do isn't what you are going to be able to do, or that you are a few miles behind mentally where your body is on the road.

How do you focus, grip that reality and the possibility and get in gear to get it done.  When the help is there that you say you want, that you feel you need, how do you utilize it without getting lazy, without taking so much advantage of it that just steps away.

Life is not that opaque... its like the age old joke of the man in a storm who is amidst a storm and refuses to leave his home, throughout the process of it being slowly overcome by rising water he turns to his faith insisting that God will take care of him and save him if its not safe then turns away a vehicle, a boat, and lastly a helicopter.  Of course he parishes in the end and when he gets to the gates he asks his Maker, why did you not send me a message or save me... the response comes back is I sent a vehicle, a boat, and a helicopter, and since you seemed to be looking for Me I brought you to see Me.

Sometimes we simply can't get past ourselves and our own idea of what the solution to our problem might be.

Helping the Helpless

Is introducing a subject by speaking of oneself in in a detached context really cool, or an extremely unimpressive way to start a blog??? Who knows but I did it.

What the hell does a guy do who knows what his problem is, what he needs to do, has a pretty good idea what he wants to do and what it takes to do it, and really it is a little confused but if I could put it in a scope then I think I could pull it off but how do you real in a focus that hasn't ever had to be????  Thoughts?

I mean I have several projects on the go, several tasks, all of which need to get done, then their is the background on them that needs to be 'sorted' out.  What do we have, what do I know.

I think I have people who could help me and I think that is a good step but I can't do it without my wifes involvement I think; but I don't think she knows what all it entails.  It certainly entails persistance, old fashioned persistance. As Calvin Coolidge stated:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence.
Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not: the world if full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and Determination along are omnipotent."

I need to have that persistance and dogged determination and not in the form of a race to be one as quickly as possible, but in a mountain to be climbed and its peak can only be attained through training and repetition. Cause it can't all be done in a day or week or even a month. 

Greatness can still be mine, influencing our social environment can be something which I can do while leading my family and my career.  Certainly I like to serve but I need to serve myself now first and the rest can fall in with that.

It really is a funny thing the mind, the way it traps us and holds us captive at times; are there perhaps two people, some that are captive and others that are so afraid of being captive that they run from place to place, high to high, task to task.  One certainly comes off looking a lot better but doesn't really handle society all that well!

Time Is On Our Side

You know...I have spent much thought and reflection about myself over the years; 20 years have passed since the day I could hide under the ambivalence of being a teenager. All twenty addicted to the beauty of women, wanting to be with many where I couldn't bring myself to risk to do that, admiring, longing, lusting from afar. Fifteen of those have been spent in marriage (18 in that same relationship) with the women of my dreams, one that is strong and pretty and actually wanted me and has always helped me through my infancy type emotions. Eleven and a half as a father or guardian, a role that I am trying to own rather than claim. Ten of them in what I think is a career I enjoy and am working to become more invested in everyday.

Those are the more considerable buckets I have filled with my time; what falls in there is sporadic exhibitions of a servant and a liar, a lover and a cheater, a poet, confidence and insecurity, stupidity and intelligence, well spoken moments and verbal diarrhea, solid role model, porn addict, self-loathing, God fearing and godless, aimlessness and dogged determination.

All that and much more remembered and forgotten. I have had great blessing and squandered some riches. Made good friends and spoiled good friendships, all because I was too busy worrying about me, me, me. Lots of time remains for me to take all the misery and ensure it is not repeated, rather replaced with joy, spontaneity and fantastic companionship, cause that matter to me (its just in me).